Circle of Life
by Polyjuice Princess
Summary: "I don't think anyone would consider taking their own life" "I did" Kurt's story. Spoilers for 'On My Way' 3x14. Set during the circle scene. Mentions of suicide and self-harm. M for dark themes.


Yes, I am alive! Heyyyy! Sorry I haven't posted any new chapters or anything. I've been busy with school and stuff, and I couldn't get into da zone. Sorry!

Disclaimer: No, If I owned Glee, I wouldn't be going to school now! :(

**WARNING: INCLUDES MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM + SUICIDE **(don't read if trigger)

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**Circle Of**** Life**

"Mr Schue, I don't think anyone would consider taking their own life," Mercedes commented. Of course, the idea of doing such a thing was terrifying to these people. Even though many were outcasts, they still hadn't been low enough to even _consider _doing that.

"I did," and the silence that followed was heavy and thick, evident shock resonating through each person.

It had happened twice.

* * *

Life before Glee Club had been rough. The constant dumpster throws and insults hurled towards him. He had all of two friends. Mercedes and Tina. No-one wanted to associate with the gay boy. After a while, he had just given up on making more friends. There had been a couple of times, when the words would actually hit him instead of sliding off his shoulders. His family had always been close, aunts and uncles and cousins would constantly be around each other, they all knew everything about each other. This was why the news of his cousin's suicide attempt had been so shell-shocking that the family had been left in disarray. It had only made things worse that it was on the anniversary of their grandmother's death. Kurt had always been closest to his cousin Hunter, and he had spent weeks in his room, depressed and lonely in the aftermath of the attempt. His cousin had become reckless afterwards, drinking and doing drugs, becoming unhealthy and detached, it had been the best for everyone involved when he was shipped off to military school. They still talked online but it wasn't the same anymore.

On the first anniversary of Hunter's attempt, he started doing things to himself, the dumpster throws had becoming worse and the insults more bitter. Kurt had been in the kitchen, slicing up vegetables for a salad when he had slipped and cut his hand. It hadn't felt good, it had hurt, but it was controlled by him, and that had triggered a routine of cutting himself, in the bathroom mainly, sometimes with the kitchen knife, sometimes with a razor, it didn't matter. Then his dad started dating Carole and the stressed pushed him too far.

The first time he tried had been on a Saturday. Carole and Burt had gone to the movies, and Finn had invited Puck over. They were busy in the lounge room, shooting zombies and soldiers alike. He hadn't expected anyone to find him or stop him.

_The knife gleamed under the bedroom light, reflecting strange shadows onto the wall behind him. 'They'll never have to worry about me again', he thought. Bringing the blade up to his arm, near the veins, he took a shaking breath. 'I can do this, I can do this,' he chanted in his head. _

_The door to the bedroom slammed open._ "_Hey Kurt, do yo-," whatever Puck had been trying to say was cut off as he took in the demeanour of the boy in front of him. Before Kurt can fully realise what has happened, he feels the knife quickly taken away and strong arms surrounding him as he begins to sob, for the shock of what just happened to sink in, that he had been so close, and the thought of how he would have missed everything, so, so much. The sharp intake of breath from the doorway, and the second pair of arms around his back let him know that Finn has arrived and grasped the situation. _

_When neither boy leaves his side for weeks at school, no-one questions it, because they see the protective gleam in Puck and Finn's eyes._

The second time, he knew he wouldn't go through with it, but it was strangely calming and gave him closure. He puts the knife down and calls his cousin Hunter, who had been visiting someone he knew in Westerville. The hug he received half an hour later, as Hunter whispered words of relief and love, he couldn't have felt more at peace with himself.

Then, Sebastian had happened, and that stuck with him all this time. Of course, there was more to the story, there always was. After Scandals, he hadn't driven straight home, too devastated and in shock to do so. When Sebastian left the building, spotting Kurt still there, he had to say something, the damn meerkat, but that brought him peace as well.

_After describing to Sebastian what had happened, he felt warm hands on his shoulders, a comforting gesture. He smiled bitterly, his 'arch enemy' was comforting, how ironic._

_"I would never of tried to get in your way if I knew he was like _that_"_

_And that's all he needs. _

At any thought of harming himself, he knows he can call Puck, or Sebastian, or Hunter. And that piece of information comforts him so much more than he can say. He introduces Sebastian to Hunter, and they instantly hit it off, throwing snark at each other in bucket loads, which is always a great form of amusement. The news that Hunter will be going to Dalton next year, fed up with Military School. The fact he has great friends and people who _care_ make everything alright.

* * *

And as he shares his story around the circle of his friends, taking in the protectiveness on Puck and Finn's faces, the bewilderment and acceptance on Blaine's, who he'd never told, and the guilt and regret on everyone else's, who'd never noticed any of it, he realises that eventually, in life's twisted way, life _does_ get better.

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**A/N: **If anyone is considering taking their own life, just remember, YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING PERSON and there are loads of people who love and care for you! It does get better! 3


End file.
